![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
absolutedestinyAs part of a vid feedback challenge masterminded by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
_par_avion and permetaform, here is my first of two vid critiques.
Vidder: shalott (akaastolat)
Vid Title: kid fears
Vid Fandom: Star Wars (original)
Vid Location: http://www.intimations.org/vidding/
There's a lot to live up to when commenting on this video. Not only is Shalott a very excellent and well-established vidder but her recent works have been very inspirational to my own live action tinkerings. So, in order to handle this task I'm going to do a few things: first of all I'm going to split the feedback into aspects of the video and comment upon them individually and secondly I'm going to have to consider Shalott's current ability as seen in her latest work to put into perspective what has been learned since this video was made 5 or so years back... it's sorta weird offering critique on an old video but here goes!
For those who don't want to read the lengthy analysis here's the short version: The video's a good idea well executed but minorly lacking in beat-whoredom for my current taste :)
General Impressions:
I enjoyed this video. It built up the narrative ideas well (see later comments) and the way the mood was brought to an emotional climax was very enjoyable indeed. There's a lot to like but particularly I enjoyed:
0:25~9ish - nice head turns on the music, particularly Luke's angsty fretting on the right channel guitar.
0:32 - the use of the masked gradient and motion settings creates a very nice flow with the head turn.
1:18 - although the narrative jump from the start of ANH to mid ESB is a large one this is a very good use of the vision scene also I love the cute Yoda headbob that follows :)
2:00 - cute body language use
2:20ish - this is really well done both narratively and technically. It's often hard to create meaning with such familiar source footage but this section deftly demonstrates the uncomfortable lengths that Luke and Leia have had to go to. I particularly love the flow of this at the end with the spasmic tail and the final emotional release with the escaping ships footage.
2:27ish - a good "end of act 2" moment that consolidates the last section well.
3:00~3:10 - great juxtaposition creating that aforementioned excellent build-up, particularly appealing to anyone who has seen ROTJ (i.e. most people)
3:30 - that look from Leia is a surprising addition to the whole "we're separated but together (with the force :P)" idea which works actually quite nicely.
3:35 - nice beat whoring and perfect climax. Probably the image you had in your head that tipped this from being a potential to a must-do vid idea.
3:38 - the exhalation and the music. Perfect emotional release, great stuff.
Narrative plus points:
Narratively the video is very strong. Linear, yes, but with good reason which is all the more justified by the use of both flashbacks and foreshadowing. Framing the video with Amidala was a nice and interesting touch. As mentioned earlier the use of juxtaposition in the video is excellent as are almost all the emotions captures in the scene selection.
Technical plus points:
The gradient transitions were a good idea that were effectively applied. They weren't as retro and attention-drawing as the original wipes in the movies but nonetheless fitting. You also avoided overuse which is the key to any effect or transition use. Overlays were similarly well done - they were never smudgy and the different layers never compromised each other.
Things I'm glad you didn't do:
I'm so glad you didn't have any scenes of flames or burning to the "are you on fire" lyrics. I know this sounds like the most foolish thing ever but honestly the amount of over-literal videos I've seen... well, nothing surprises me anymore. I'm also very glad that you didn't use the whole song. I know many can be a lot more purist about the music but to me making a video is about satisfying an idea and you should go to any and all lengths to do that and if the music needs to be cut then it damn well should be. I didn't notice the cut so I'm guessing it was cleanly done (given the song I can believe it) although the realaudio compression isn't the kindest on the music.
Minor Quibbles that are only so numerous because I'm being as anal as possible:
Now comes the trickier part where I go through some of the things that either didn't work for me, just ever so slightly fell short.or I'd have tweaked just a touch had I edited the same scene. A lot of these are total nitpicks, others are creative differences of opinions and a small few are things that I think you would have actually done differently had you edited this video now instead of then. None are really criticisms of your editing talents as you've more than sufficiently proved those in my mind :)
Also a lot of these quibbles are beat whore related which is, of course, entirely a matter of choice and may also be due to inaccurate realplayer synchs (it's possible although there are some perfectly times sections too, so it's probably playing fine for me). Given that you are a wonderful beta whore these days (that's a compliment, honest :P) I suspect you might agree with some of the beat-related comments I make. All of them, however, are just personal taste.
0:36 - The Anakin -> Vader shots on the "flower for the ones you've known" lyric I didn't really get (especially on first viewing) and sorta felt that the contrast (while fitting in terms of canon) was too severe at this point in the video. I dunno I think particularly the choice of Vader wading through dead rebels was maybe overstating things at this point (particularly when contrasted with the cute kiddy anakin). I guess you could say I was a bit surprised to see that clip appear :) Maybe now that ep2 is out an older anakin might fit better.
0:46 - the Leia stuff doesn't really feel timed in the best way to my eyes (and ears). I'd beat whore it a lot more if I were editing it :) Either the dissolve is early or Leia bending down is late or maybe even both. It sorta felt like the dissolve should be on the long guitar strum and Leia should reach the end of her bending on the beat if it were to flow visually with the flow of the music. 0:52 is better timed in this regard although I think the motion could start ever so slightly earlier.
0:57 - I'd have put the landing a few frames later, personally.
1:08 - Is there a shot of smoke passing across Luke from this scene because that would make a lovely addition to a natural dissolve on the cymbals.
1:11 - I think I'm in minor disagreement as to what part of the motion is best to beat synch here, I'd have gone with the end of the turn on the drum rather than the start.
1:12 - I admit I didn't get the Leia narrative straight away when I first watched the vid. It's hard to depict well because the trilogy is so luke-centric that scenes are sparse. On rewatching, it made sense although I'm not 100% about the scene selection at this point as it's not always obvious what the context is. I think I'd have tried the scene where the ship shakes and Han catches Leia at some point here but it depends on how happy the footage sat on the timeline. Sparkly-eyed leia is pretty good with the higher pitched secondary vocals in this section. Certainly the way that you take advantage of the layered vocals combined with the narrative is great although it being a lesser part of the song it does sideline leia's story a little in this section.
1:21 - seems like it should be a good establishing shot but doesn't seem to live up to that as it's dominated by Vader's back and the other characters are mostly out of view. Any fan would know the context instantly from the colours but the first image here isn't necessarily working all that well. I think that's a source issue though because this whole scene is deliberately disorientating in ESB.
1:23 - pan and scan is pretty unforgiving here, unfortunately. If you remaster it, this shot would benefit very nicely from the full cinemascope. I think that, because of this, Leia becomes sadly sidelined in this section because you don't really get a good reaction from her with regards to Han's carbonite freeze.
1:28 - I'd beat whore Luke's saber scha-wing a bit here by having it happen later than it does now. However, I really like Vader's Ahhhhhhhhhh~ saber :D There's a big musical change here going from verse to chorus that you don't really do anything with visually, which I felt lessened the impact of the next few scenes. Perhaps some clashing sabers or luke doing some dodging to the cymbal crash would announce the change more convincingly. I'm thinking that a similar but not-as-strong editing choice like you successfully do at the end climax would be welcome here, IMO. I think this whole ESB vader-luke battle could do with being beat whored but, again, that's me :D
1:51 - I like the shot of distressed luke but it feels like it comes in too early and that his fall would be better on the cymbal. The fade into this shot is a must, however, as it works very well. Even if the fall doesn't get retimed it might be interesting to have the Vader-looking-down shot dissolve into luke being all distressed as a nice juxtaposition.
2:29 - Now, I love the flashback stuff here but the Alderan scene comes as a surprise on first viewing. I think it might be because the section could possible do with an additional pensive overlay on the very first Stipe line before we get to Leia's, so there's a pattern and hence making it less surprising. Narratively it's totally fine though.
2:41 - if you did a horizontal flip on the shot of luke it would reveal more happily following the transition here, provided you don't mind flipping around such well-known footage :)
2:49 - there was a nice flow building here but I think the going-for-the-lightsaber cut wasn't quite following the flow established earlier. A little time-tweaking would keep the steps up to the impending climax more regular :) Remember there is no such thing in life as a non-linear orgasm so that big moment needs a steady build.
2:52 - I understand the emotional usefulness of the Han+Leia on endor scene but there's so much movement in the neighbouring scenes that the static nature of the shot you've chosen stick out a bit. Something more fluid would be ideal if it's available.
3:02 - The flashing overlay of the team on endor has a bit too much info to really take in and isn't quite as nice a scene choice as the other images you have. I still love the sequence as a whole though :) There's a pure flash at 3:05 which seems to come out of nowhere. Either my realplayer isn't synching things correctly or that's misplaced? Not sure. I only saw it on re-watching, I think.
3:10 - the beat whore in me would have tried out a dissolve-flashing series of shots of luke on the beats before the climactic attack. Not sure if it would really work, if might be too forced (no pun intended) but it would be worth experimenting with.
3:13 - I'm not sure about the emperor here. He hasn't been part of the narrative before, really, and while it's fitting for the scene but it seems extraneous for the conflict between these two characters but that's just my reading. The same goes for his clasping hands later, too. Also, even though the saber fighting is in the background, I'd still be beat whoring it to hell and back :D
3:41 - after the well-chosen luke exhalation there's a not-quite-as-well-chosen puzzled look from leia as she realises that Han doesn't know that their ESB kiss was incestuous :P I think it's important narratively to show leia at this point but the frames you've picked give a different message than the video wants to tell, in my reading of things.
3:50ish - quite obviously the drum beats should be timed with the Ewok party drums. I'm kidding :P the ending is great.
Oh and a general note to do with the compression of an interlaced source - some deinterlacing, while not essential, would be helpful particularly when you have a low bitrate to adhere to. Making visual quality comments on age-old videos is unfair though, so ignore me :)
Conclusion:
All the ideas are well-formed here and most of the editing realisations of these ideas are done with skill and sensitivity. Narratively this is a very mature and thoughtful video. The contextual framing and the overall structure are as equally well developed as any of your best works. Sure, it's not as adventurous as some of your braver multifaceted character profiles of late but what you've done is totally appropriate for the song. Technically, particularly in view of your current style, I think some tweaks would aid the movement flow which can only (in my mind) enhance the already excellent mood of the video. On the whole (barring the few noted exceptions) I felt that the scene selection was great. It's mostly just petty stuff that I'm raising as this is an enjoyable video. Great stuff :)
Any post-feedback response, debate or furious objection is welcome. I'll stop rambling now; I think I've said quite enough already :)
_par_avion and permetaform, here is my first of two vid critiques.Vidder: shalott (aka
astolat)Vid Title: kid fears
Vid Fandom: Star Wars (original)
Vid Location: http://www.intimations.org/vidding/
There's a lot to live up to when commenting on this video. Not only is Shalott a very excellent and well-established vidder but her recent works have been very inspirational to my own live action tinkerings. So, in order to handle this task I'm going to do a few things: first of all I'm going to split the feedback into aspects of the video and comment upon them individually and secondly I'm going to have to consider Shalott's current ability as seen in her latest work to put into perspective what has been learned since this video was made 5 or so years back... it's sorta weird offering critique on an old video but here goes!
For those who don't want to read the lengthy analysis here's the short version: The video's a good idea well executed but minorly lacking in beat-whoredom for my current taste :)
General Impressions:
I enjoyed this video. It built up the narrative ideas well (see later comments) and the way the mood was brought to an emotional climax was very enjoyable indeed. There's a lot to like but particularly I enjoyed:
0:25~9ish - nice head turns on the music, particularly Luke's angsty fretting on the right channel guitar.
0:32 - the use of the masked gradient and motion settings creates a very nice flow with the head turn.
1:18 - although the narrative jump from the start of ANH to mid ESB is a large one this is a very good use of the vision scene also I love the cute Yoda headbob that follows :)
2:00 - cute body language use
2:20ish - this is really well done both narratively and technically. It's often hard to create meaning with such familiar source footage but this section deftly demonstrates the uncomfortable lengths that Luke and Leia have had to go to. I particularly love the flow of this at the end with the spasmic tail and the final emotional release with the escaping ships footage.
2:27ish - a good "end of act 2" moment that consolidates the last section well.
3:00~3:10 - great juxtaposition creating that aforementioned excellent build-up, particularly appealing to anyone who has seen ROTJ (i.e. most people)
3:30 - that look from Leia is a surprising addition to the whole "we're separated but together (with the force :P)" idea which works actually quite nicely.
3:35 - nice beat whoring and perfect climax. Probably the image you had in your head that tipped this from being a potential to a must-do vid idea.
3:38 - the exhalation and the music. Perfect emotional release, great stuff.
Narrative plus points:
Narratively the video is very strong. Linear, yes, but with good reason which is all the more justified by the use of both flashbacks and foreshadowing. Framing the video with Amidala was a nice and interesting touch. As mentioned earlier the use of juxtaposition in the video is excellent as are almost all the emotions captures in the scene selection.
Technical plus points:
The gradient transitions were a good idea that were effectively applied. They weren't as retro and attention-drawing as the original wipes in the movies but nonetheless fitting. You also avoided overuse which is the key to any effect or transition use. Overlays were similarly well done - they were never smudgy and the different layers never compromised each other.
Things I'm glad you didn't do:
I'm so glad you didn't have any scenes of flames or burning to the "are you on fire" lyrics. I know this sounds like the most foolish thing ever but honestly the amount of over-literal videos I've seen... well, nothing surprises me anymore. I'm also very glad that you didn't use the whole song. I know many can be a lot more purist about the music but to me making a video is about satisfying an idea and you should go to any and all lengths to do that and if the music needs to be cut then it damn well should be. I didn't notice the cut so I'm guessing it was cleanly done (given the song I can believe it) although the realaudio compression isn't the kindest on the music.
Minor Quibbles that are only so numerous because I'm being as anal as possible:
Now comes the trickier part where I go through some of the things that either didn't work for me, just ever so slightly fell short.or I'd have tweaked just a touch had I edited the same scene. A lot of these are total nitpicks, others are creative differences of opinions and a small few are things that I think you would have actually done differently had you edited this video now instead of then. None are really criticisms of your editing talents as you've more than sufficiently proved those in my mind :)
Also a lot of these quibbles are beat whore related which is, of course, entirely a matter of choice and may also be due to inaccurate realplayer synchs (it's possible although there are some perfectly times sections too, so it's probably playing fine for me). Given that you are a wonderful beta whore these days (that's a compliment, honest :P) I suspect you might agree with some of the beat-related comments I make. All of them, however, are just personal taste.
0:36 - The Anakin -> Vader shots on the "flower for the ones you've known" lyric I didn't really get (especially on first viewing) and sorta felt that the contrast (while fitting in terms of canon) was too severe at this point in the video. I dunno I think particularly the choice of Vader wading through dead rebels was maybe overstating things at this point (particularly when contrasted with the cute kiddy anakin). I guess you could say I was a bit surprised to see that clip appear :) Maybe now that ep2 is out an older anakin might fit better.
0:46 - the Leia stuff doesn't really feel timed in the best way to my eyes (and ears). I'd beat whore it a lot more if I were editing it :) Either the dissolve is early or Leia bending down is late or maybe even both. It sorta felt like the dissolve should be on the long guitar strum and Leia should reach the end of her bending on the beat if it were to flow visually with the flow of the music. 0:52 is better timed in this regard although I think the motion could start ever so slightly earlier.
0:57 - I'd have put the landing a few frames later, personally.
1:08 - Is there a shot of smoke passing across Luke from this scene because that would make a lovely addition to a natural dissolve on the cymbals.
1:11 - I think I'm in minor disagreement as to what part of the motion is best to beat synch here, I'd have gone with the end of the turn on the drum rather than the start.
1:12 - I admit I didn't get the Leia narrative straight away when I first watched the vid. It's hard to depict well because the trilogy is so luke-centric that scenes are sparse. On rewatching, it made sense although I'm not 100% about the scene selection at this point as it's not always obvious what the context is. I think I'd have tried the scene where the ship shakes and Han catches Leia at some point here but it depends on how happy the footage sat on the timeline. Sparkly-eyed leia is pretty good with the higher pitched secondary vocals in this section. Certainly the way that you take advantage of the layered vocals combined with the narrative is great although it being a lesser part of the song it does sideline leia's story a little in this section.
1:21 - seems like it should be a good establishing shot but doesn't seem to live up to that as it's dominated by Vader's back and the other characters are mostly out of view. Any fan would know the context instantly from the colours but the first image here isn't necessarily working all that well. I think that's a source issue though because this whole scene is deliberately disorientating in ESB.
1:23 - pan and scan is pretty unforgiving here, unfortunately. If you remaster it, this shot would benefit very nicely from the full cinemascope. I think that, because of this, Leia becomes sadly sidelined in this section because you don't really get a good reaction from her with regards to Han's carbonite freeze.
1:28 - I'd beat whore Luke's saber scha-wing a bit here by having it happen later than it does now. However, I really like Vader's Ahhhhhhhhhh~ saber :D There's a big musical change here going from verse to chorus that you don't really do anything with visually, which I felt lessened the impact of the next few scenes. Perhaps some clashing sabers or luke doing some dodging to the cymbal crash would announce the change more convincingly. I'm thinking that a similar but not-as-strong editing choice like you successfully do at the end climax would be welcome here, IMO. I think this whole ESB vader-luke battle could do with being beat whored but, again, that's me :D
1:51 - I like the shot of distressed luke but it feels like it comes in too early and that his fall would be better on the cymbal. The fade into this shot is a must, however, as it works very well. Even if the fall doesn't get retimed it might be interesting to have the Vader-looking-down shot dissolve into luke being all distressed as a nice juxtaposition.
2:29 - Now, I love the flashback stuff here but the Alderan scene comes as a surprise on first viewing. I think it might be because the section could possible do with an additional pensive overlay on the very first Stipe line before we get to Leia's, so there's a pattern and hence making it less surprising. Narratively it's totally fine though.
2:41 - if you did a horizontal flip on the shot of luke it would reveal more happily following the transition here, provided you don't mind flipping around such well-known footage :)
2:49 - there was a nice flow building here but I think the going-for-the-lightsaber cut wasn't quite following the flow established earlier. A little time-tweaking would keep the steps up to the impending climax more regular :) Remember there is no such thing in life as a non-linear orgasm so that big moment needs a steady build.
2:52 - I understand the emotional usefulness of the Han+Leia on endor scene but there's so much movement in the neighbouring scenes that the static nature of the shot you've chosen stick out a bit. Something more fluid would be ideal if it's available.
3:02 - The flashing overlay of the team on endor has a bit too much info to really take in and isn't quite as nice a scene choice as the other images you have. I still love the sequence as a whole though :) There's a pure flash at 3:05 which seems to come out of nowhere. Either my realplayer isn't synching things correctly or that's misplaced? Not sure. I only saw it on re-watching, I think.
3:10 - the beat whore in me would have tried out a dissolve-flashing series of shots of luke on the beats before the climactic attack. Not sure if it would really work, if might be too forced (no pun intended) but it would be worth experimenting with.
3:13 - I'm not sure about the emperor here. He hasn't been part of the narrative before, really, and while it's fitting for the scene but it seems extraneous for the conflict between these two characters but that's just my reading. The same goes for his clasping hands later, too. Also, even though the saber fighting is in the background, I'd still be beat whoring it to hell and back :D
3:41 - after the well-chosen luke exhalation there's a not-quite-as-well-chosen puzzled look from leia as she realises that Han doesn't know that their ESB kiss was incestuous :P I think it's important narratively to show leia at this point but the frames you've picked give a different message than the video wants to tell, in my reading of things.
3:50ish - quite obviously the drum beats should be timed with the Ewok party drums. I'm kidding :P the ending is great.
Oh and a general note to do with the compression of an interlaced source - some deinterlacing, while not essential, would be helpful particularly when you have a low bitrate to adhere to. Making visual quality comments on age-old videos is unfair though, so ignore me :)
Conclusion:
All the ideas are well-formed here and most of the editing realisations of these ideas are done with skill and sensitivity. Narratively this is a very mature and thoughtful video. The contextual framing and the overall structure are as equally well developed as any of your best works. Sure, it's not as adventurous as some of your braver multifaceted character profiles of late but what you've done is totally appropriate for the song. Technically, particularly in view of your current style, I think some tweaks would aid the movement flow which can only (in my mind) enhance the already excellent mood of the video. On the whole (barring the few noted exceptions) I felt that the scene selection was great. It's mostly just petty stuff that I'm raising as this is an enjoyable video. Great stuff :)
Any post-feedback response, debate or furious objection is welcome. I'll stop rambling now; I think I've said quite enough already :)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-05-09 11:25 pm (UTC)Off to re-watch Kid Fears...
no subject
Date: 2005-05-09 11:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-10 02:02 pm (UTC)